05.24.07
Posted in Health, Humour, Music at 4:05 pm by emerym
I had another consultation with Dr Phil Johnson yesterday. We talked among other things about how others perceive my illness. He put it as “You’re neither terminaly ill nor terminaly well.” which made me laugh. It’s always nice having a chat with him. 
We also talked about how lots of money gets pumped into cancer research.. see below for something that helps in a small way with cancer care.
I’ve got a medical certificate for a further month from my own GP, which is making the wife worried about my return date. To get back in the swing of things I’ve got my work VPN access fixed (Thanks Jim!) and have started doing some reading of internal docs.
It was also nice to see the guys at the office in our new location. Sorry I didn’t sort lunch out. Marc being off sick with a fever through me. Hope you’re feeling better! It’s a nice quiet desk we’ve got, what a result! (James, Wei Li and I have had BIG problems with noise levels in the past).
A good while ago my sister, Dr Karen Lowton introduced me to the music of Adam Kay and Suman Biswas aka The Amateur Transplants – “two junior doctors who practice medicine with varying degrees of success.” The track was “Mr Burton” from their album “Fitness to Practice”. If you like Derek and Clive you’ll love these guys. 
I had wanted to play it to Dr J while we compared gadgets, but a software update had knocked out my phones ability to access the storage card properly.
10% of all proceeds go straight to Macmillan Cancer Relief.
BTW Karen, did you know searching for “Dr Karen Lowton” in Google results in a #1 match “Dr. Karen Lowton: Gerontology: King’s College London”. Searching for “Mark Emery” results in a hit for a substance I’ve no interest in whatsoever – I’ll stick to my Ibuprofen and Paracetamol.
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04.11.07
Posted in Humour at 10:31 pm by emerym
My wife came to me this morning with an email she’d been sent. She tried to read it to me but couldn’t as she kept laughing too much, tears running down her face. After several attempts she gave up and handed it to me. Let me know how funny you find it, and if you know a woman who really does puts things in the laundry basked like this.
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror – make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.
Condition your hair with conditioner enhanced with grapefruit and mint.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and the hand towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the ‘woo-woo’ sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse it off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off and fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
Admire willy size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the ‘woo-woo’ sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
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